I’ve often wondered what it would be like if we taught young people swimming in the same way we teach sexuality. If we told them that swimming was an important adult activity, one that they will all have to be skilled at when they grow up, but we never talked with them about it. We never showed them the pool. We just allowed them to stand outside closed doors and listen to all the splashing. Occasionally, they might catch a glimpse of partially clothed people going in and out of the door to the pool and maybe they’d find a hidden book on the art of swimming, but when they asked a question about how swimming felt or what it was about they would be greeted with blank or embarrassed looks (or told they weren’t old enough to know.)
Suddenly, when they turned 18, we would fling open the doors to the pool and they would jump in. Miraculously some might learn to tread water, but many would drown.
Excerpted from a speech by Elizabeth Canfield, sexuality educator
Comparing sexuality to swimming may seem unusual at first, but let’s consider the statement above. Understanding sexuality is a life skill that can quite literally save our children’s lives. Preparing them to make sense of sexuality and helping them to understand the importance of values and communication is part of “learning to swim”. Also important are: building their self-esteem and communicating with them about love, affection, relationships, parenthood, sexual orientation, sexual health, avoiding abuse, protecting themselves against sexually transmitted infections and unplanned pregnancy, and helping them to define what they understand by the term “sexuality”.
We cannot control our teen’s behavior - no matter how much we may want to. What we can do, though, is talk with them – and listen to them - about the importance of sexuality and how it affects people’s lives.
This section is designed to introduce the many aspects of sexuality. We would like to look at:
Sex and sexuality; that is, the definition of sex as more than a physical act
The Hoosier Sex Survey, where you can compare your knowledge about sex to the participants of the Planned Parenthood/ Ball State survey
Finding more information on sex and sexuality
We will start by thinking back to your days as a teen.
Looking Back
By reflecting on your experiences as a teen, we hope to help you to remember how things were for you and consider how you might best help your teen.
Some memories, for some people, might be difficult or very painful to remember. Please do not feel that you must complete this exercise if you have experienced abuse or sexual violence that you do not wish to reflect on at this time. If you would like help and support with these experiences, please visit the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network or call 1.800.656.HOPE.
Please relax, get comfortable and think back. Remember what it was like for you when you were an adolescent (choose an age between 12 to 16 years old). You might choose the same age that your child is now.
Remember yourself at that age right now.
Where were you living?
What school did you go to?
Who was your best friend?
What did you look like?
What was important to you?
Finish the statements below to help remind yourself. There are no right or wrong answers.
At that age, I lived
I was really
The most embarrassing thing that happened to me that year was
In school, I
I thought boys were
I thought girls were
I got my information about sex from
My friends were all
My favorite pastime was
I could really talk about my problems with
My decisions about sex were
My biggest decision was
Teen parenthood was
Now that you have thought back to when you were a teen, answer these questions:
How were the issues facing you then the SAME as those young people face today?
How were the issues different?
What do you wish that your parents had done differently in terms of helping you to understand sexuality?
How do you think your child would answer that question?
What messages and values do you want to give your child about sexuality?
Now that you have looked back at your younger years, maybe some memories have come back to you about what you learned, how you felt and what you wished for.
We are glad you are interested in finding out about ways to help your child to understand sex. Next, we will look at the big concept that is “sexuality”.
Sex & Swimming
